Married Love Advice For My Nieces

            Last night I attended my niece’s bridal shower. It was great fun and it was so sweet to see the excitement in her eyes as she opened her presents and thought of this new stage in her life. Among the usual gifts of rice cookers and dishes there were the other usual more intimate type presents. It was cute to see her blush and smile. I also have another niece who gets married in a few days.  They will get to experience something new that before was considered unchaste outside the bonds of marriage. It reminded me of when I was going through this. 

            It got me thinking about the reading this week. I have always seen married love, the intimate sexual relationship between husband and wife, as beautiful and something that we should not be ashamed about.  It is something that has blessed my marriage in many ways and has strengthened it as well. So, I wondered what I could share with them that I have learned from my own marriage and the readings this week that could help them out in their own marriages.

            One, do not be afraid to ask questions and seek out good books to read to help you out.   It is perfectly fine to educate yourself. We have been taught to do this in other aspects of the gospel. In Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage by Sean E. Brotherson he states, “It is also important to understand that it is okay, as a Latter-day Saint, to ask questions and to seek meaningful answers.” He also gave a few books to read that might be helpful. A couple of these are The Act ofMarriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Beverly LaHaye and Between Husband and Wife: GospelPerspectives on Marital Intimacy by Stephen Lamb and Douglas Brinley.

            Two, focus on showing kindness, consideration, and service to your spouses and putting them above all else. Be considerate of the needs of your spouse. I love what Brent A. Barlow states in his article They Twain Shall Be One:Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage. To husbands he shares, “If her husband places other things first and is unable to find time to develop intimacy in other parts of his relationship with his wife, she will probably not be very interested in sexual intimacy.” For me it is so important the things my husband does through out the day, even if they are little acts of kindness and affection that build that intimacy.  To wives Barlow states, “If the activities of the day really are so tiring that a woman has little energy left to develop her relationship with her husband, she or the couple together might examine her life carefully, to decide which things can be given up for the good of the most important relationship she will ever be involved in.” This is such great advice. I know all my responsibilities can be overwhelming but I need to remember that my husbands has needs as well. I need to be there for him.If I am overwhelmed maybe I need to evaluate what can be cut out of my life to make my husband a priority. Kindness towards each other in intimacy goes a long way.

            Lastly, we need to guard our marriages with every effort possible. There is so much that the adversary will do to destroy it. In the book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage by H. Wallace Goddard he tells us, “We should maintain a wall between us and those who are not friends to our marriage—who threaten it in any way. We may open a window to those who are friends of our marriage. And there should be no walls nor windows between us and our spouses. We should be as one.” I think if we keep our marriage relationship a priority together we can combat all those things and people who would harm our marriage. We need to keep the trust between us intact so there will be no walls or windows between us.

            I hope my nieces see beyond the fun intimate gifts they received and realize what a special relationship they are about to embark on. I hope they take the time to find the joy in every aspect of their marriage but that also fully enjoy their intimate relationship with their husbands. I am grateful for all I have learned in my 15 years of marriage and I am grateful for the bonding relationship it has developed with my husband.