He Lets Me Fly Too

We can all learn a little something about a great marriage where both partners are equals to each other from President Gordon B. Hinckley and his wife Sister Marjorie Pay Hinckley. Listen to what they both had to say:

Photo credit Deseret News

 President Hinckley: I’ve tried to recognize my wife’s individuality, her personality, her desires, her background, her ambitions. Let her fly. Yes, let her fly! Let her develop her own talents. Let her do things her way. Get out of her way, and marvel at what she does…If there is anything that concerns me, it is that some men try to run their wife’s life and tell her everything she ought to do. It will not work. There will not be happiness in the lives of the children nor the parents where the man tries to run everything and control his wife. They are partners. They are companions in this great venture that we call marriage and family life.

(Marjorie Pay and Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, October 2003, pp. 22,27)

I think I sometimes take for granted how lucky I am to be in a marriage where my husband very much shares the opinion of President Hinckley. He lets me fly too. He has never stopped me from doing what I want. I have been able to use, discover, and strengthen my talents because he doesn’t hold me back. It is a very comforting feeling to know he has so much trust and confidence in me and in my abilities. I feel like I can mother and run our household in the way I think is best and he supports me. If there has been a time here and there where there might have been a disagreement we have discussed things and figured out together what we can do. 

I think our marriage is so much happier and healthier because my husband sees me as his equal. We are partners. It is not a perfect partnership but it is one of mutual respect and concern for each other. In Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families, author Richard B. Miller, PhD states, “research consistently finds that happy relationships are most likely to occur in marriages where the couple shares power and has a true partnership.” He shares great thought from others on how we can be equal partners and how we can be aware of problems with power within the marriage.

Ways to be equal partners:

·      “Parents work together in their leadership in the family.”

·      Treat each other with courtesy and respect

·      Our words should esteem each other and not be sarcastic or cutting in our tone

·      They walk side by side

·      Each has a specific role to fulfill

·      Make decisions together in unity

·      They have mutual consideration

·      They consult and pray together

·      Work together on the family finance

Be aware of an unequal power relationship:

1.     Process of power, which is where the husband or wife seems to dominate the other partner.

2.     Power outcome, is when there is a disagreement one spouse is usually the one who gets what they want.

(Ideas from Richard B. Miller)

As a wife to my very wonderful husband I need to be aware that I do not take advantage of his generosity and kindness. I know when we work hand in had the authority of the priesthood works in our home and the Holy Ghost guides us in our lives. I am glad that I have a partner who is my equal and who feel I am his.