Covenant Marriage Vs. Contractual Marriage

When I married my husband I knew I was committed to him 100% and I knew he felt the same way. I remember kneeling across the alter from him knowing that if we were faithful to the covenants we were making that day we would be together for time and all eternity.  I knew if we made our Savior, Jesus Christ, a part of our relationship He would strengthen us and allow our covenant marriage to be successful through the joyful and hard moments of life. In his talk “Covenant Marriage,” Elder Bruce C. Hafen asks us to consider whether we will have a contractual marriage or a covenant marriage. He states, “When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through.  They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.”  I know that I want to have a covenant marriage and that means not taking my marriage for granted and working at it everyday. I listed some things I learned about contractual marriage and a covenant marriage.

Contract Marriage-

*Gives 50 percent

*Gives only when he receives something

*Sees marriage as a private contract

*Flee when trouble arises

*Look out only for themselves

*Criticizes and puts down

*Threatened by each other’s growth

*Independent

*Selfish

Covenant Marriage-

*Gives 100 percent

*Gives without expecting anything in return

*Sees marriage as a covenant between God and each other

*Cling to each other through hard times

*Looks out for the other’s well-being (sustain and lift each other)

*Compliment and build each other up

*Strengthened by each other’s growth

*Interdependent

*Selfless

In my own marriage there a couple of things that help me stay grounded to my covenant marriage and help me give 100 %. Each day I ask myself the question, “How can I serve my husband?” It helps remind me to stay mindful of his needs and to help make his life better and in return I see how my husband tries to do the same for me. One other thing we do is we keep the Savior at the center of our marriage and when life gets hard we turn to Him and head to the temple. The temple provides peace and answers to questions we have in our marriage. These two things have helped us keep our marriage a covenant marriage.

What things can you do in your marriage to keep your covenant a priority? How can you express love to your spouse so they know you are committed to having a covenant marriage and not a contractual marriage? I hope the following video inspires you as it did me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkOnH36S_pY