This week we celebrated our 15-year
wedding anniversary. Our anniversaries have always been a time of reflection in
our marriage and this anniversary was no different. When we were first married we were so happy
and couldn’t wait to start our life together. Life seemed perfect in our little
newlywed bubble. We were so happy holding hands imagining our perfect life in the happy little home we wanted to create.
The thing is,
marriage is meant to try us and stretch us. It requires a lot of effort and
dedication. I have learned that obedience and sacrifice are always involved in
anything worth having. In his book, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage, Dr.
H. Wallace Goddard discusses the importance of obedience and sacrifice in
marriage. He tells us, “Applying these principles to marriage requires
inspiration.” (p.37) I loved this! He is telling us that obedience and
sacrifice will not come automatically. This makes so much sense and yet I have
never thought of it in this way. It was
really eye opening. There were several
things in regard to these principles that really caught my attention and that I
want to remember in my own marriage as I continue to allow inspiration from the
Spirit guide me.
Dr. Goddard's
words of wisdom on obedience and sacrifice:
· “Obedience
means that we love God with all our hearts. Obedience also requires that we
‘love [our spouse] with all [our] heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none
else.’ (D&C 42:22).” (p. 37)
· In
regards to sacrifice he says, “God knew that marriage would provide us unending
opportunities to negotiate everything from what’s okay to wear on the Sabbath
to what spices are favored in meals.” (p. 38)
· “We
covenant to bring all to the altar. The Lord cannot bless what we will not
bring.” (p. 38)
· Speaking
of Jesus Christ and His obedience and sacrifice he said, “He chose to let
goodness govern His power. The Person with the greatest power chose to be the
most submissive.” (p. 39)
These things
were all very thought provoking to me. When my husband and I married I think we
both understood that there would need to be compromise and sacrifice and as the
years have proved some of those are easier to do than others. As I reflect back
it is when we gladly chose to make sacrifices throughout the years that it
strengthened our marriage and brought us closer together. We had to rely on the
Spirit to help us know and repent of our weaknesses or our pride to let go and
sacrifice to make things better. The
Spirit has taught us that there are some things that just aren’t worth holding
onto if you want your marriage to survive and thrive. The Spirit has also helped me to see things
in my spouse that I would have otherwise missed. There were times when I was
prideful and didn’t want to give in but after allowing the Spirit to guide me
my heart would be softened to forgive and ask for forgiveness. The Spirit has
also guided me to know if I am spending too much time on other things that are
not a priority or if I am not concentrating on my marriage enough. I’ve been able
to redirect my priorities and make necessary sacrifices to let go of too much
reading, or talking on the phone with my mom or sisters, to putting my school
before my marriage and children. I make
sacrifices every day and without the guidance of the Spirit it would be hard to
keep my focus.
There was one
last thing that stood out to me from Dr. Goddard that I want to share:
“It takes
strength of character to see errors in a partner’s grammar or perceptions and
yet resist the temptation to correct needlessly. It takes godly goodness to see
weakness and mistakes in our partners and yet resist the temptation to smirk.
It takes heavenly humility to be proven right and yet to meekly acknowledge
that we all make mistakes. It takes divine grace to discard or limit the
hobbies that prevent us from helping around the house.” (p. 40)
Sacrifice also
teaches us to show strength, goodness, humility, and grace. Each of us is on a path to become better but
we are all getting there at a different pace.
Our marriage should be the place where we can hold hands together on
this path and say to one another, “Come on I’ll help you and you help me and we
will get there together. How about I sacrifice and let go of this so we can get
there.” Then our spouse can turn to us and say, “Thank you for holding my hand
so we can do this together. I will also sacrifice and let go of this so we can
get there.” It isn’t easy and each day I goof up. But I hope that after 15
years on this marriage journey that my husband can say I am better than I was
15 years ago because I sure think he is.
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