Divorce Has Never Been on the Table

Divorce has never been on the table. I grew up a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My parents taught me that marriage was sacred and that divorce was not an option. I saw my parents go through some pretty tough times and yet as far as I knew divorce or the idea of it was never part of their marriage.  They sent the message to me that you stick through the tough times in your marriage. Elder Dallin H. Oaks, an apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gave a wonderfully insightful talk on divorce.  He reminds members of the church that, “divorce touches most families in the Church.”  In my own family I have seen the effect of it through my husband’s family and my extended family. 

 I am a strong believer in the institution of marriage and the positive and influential effect it has not only on individuals, families, communities, and societies as a whole.  For me, a marriage and a family are not fleeting and momentary things.  There is no finite end to it. I see marriage as an eternal concept.  I know it is part of our Heavenly Father’s plan for all His children on the earth.  So if marriage is so important to me why I am dwelling on the negative idea of divorce? Plainly, it is because in order to defend marriage I need to understand divorce and its effects. I need to understand that it affects good people in and out of the Church. I need to understand what we can do to remedy that. Do I have all the answers, no, but divorce is where I will start.  Maybe if I can just grab a snippet of what its effects are than I can make steps in the right direction.

A former prophet of the Church, President Spencer W. Kimball shared this, “Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”  I can see this around me. Where once divorce was looked upon so negatively it is commonplace now. 

Like I said earlier, marriage as an eternal principle for me. It goes beyond this life. I was taught and I truly believe that our family relationships will be with us even after we leave this life. I was sealed, married for time and all eternity, almost 15 years ago in the Los Angles Temple to my sweetheart. I remember driving together that morning holding hands.  We promised each other divorce would not be in our marriage vocabulary.  We wanted that eternal marriage. I liked that Elder Oaks said, “The kind of marriage required for exaltation—eternal in duration and godlike in quality—does not contemplate divorce. In the temple of the Lord, couples are married for all eternity. But some marriages do not progress towards that ideal.” How can we, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ combat a plague that not only affects the world around us but also within the Church? And if you are not a member how do you keep marriage a priority when others around your tell you that divorce is an acceptable option?

Here are some ideas that Elder Oaks shares that can help combat against divorce:

·      Repentance should be a part of our marriage.

·      We need to let go of selfishness.

·      Remember to think of your children. He says, “Children are its first victims.”

·      Seek counsel from a bishop (or other ecclesiastical leader or a therapist).

·      Seek to be each other’s best friend.

·      Pray together and apply the Atonement in your life.

·      Leave the past in the past. Continue moving forward together.

            My marriage has had some incredibly tough trials and in terms of the world’s standards divorce might have been in option if we wanted the easy way out but we have held on tight to many of the things Elder Oaks mentioned above.  I love our marriage through the ups and downs I can see the growth we have had as we made marriage a priority and left divorce off the table.

*If you want to check out Elder Oaks talk click here.